MAKE BELIEVE OR SPIRIT GUIDE
- solasolhealing
- Sep 23, 2024
- 6 min read
When I was 3 I had a “make believe friend” Sylvia. She was with me 24/7. She was my confidant, my soul sister, my rock, my secret keeper, and my protector. We would pretend to sip coffee and gab about all that was happening in my life, in my household.
Life as the youngest in my family of 4 kids and separated parents, was heavy. I didn’t realize that until the last few years with the help of a wonderful therapist and a lot of inner work. I always had looked back and remembered my 2 older sisters being busy and active, my mom managing it all, and my brother being a person we all looked after as he has down syndrome and needed a watchful eye. I didn’t want to acknowledge that I felt alone most of the time, that I was aware of the burden of my mom managing the entire home and work, I ‘felt’ the heaviness of her responsibility and the inner chaos and rebellion my sisters were emanating. And rightfully so as they were young themselves and had to not only process a dad that wasn’t around, a brother with disabilities, a younger sister that needed attention and care… but too, what about them? They were only young teenagers; they were going through a lot too!
What happened was I became a sponge, I soaked up every emotion, thought, vibration that swirled around in my environment – and I discussed it all with Sylvia!
My family was very supportive of Sylvia. I explained extensively how real she was and that she was a part of our family, that under no circumstances was she to be left out. Therefore, Sylvia had a seat at our dinner table, every night! My sisters were so supportive, I knew that in the beginning they couldn’t see her, but near the end I think they could at least feel her.
The end came one evening a little before dinnertime. Sylvia told me that I didn’t need her anymore and it was time for her to leave. I was absolutely stunned! I was fuming! I told her there was no way she could leave me, that I would be all alone without her. But right as we were sitting down to the table, she went to the door, opened it, turned around to look at me and waved, she then walked out the door. I couldn’t believe my eyes! I ran to the door and opened it back up screaming after her, for the whole neighborhood to hear: “Sylvia you get back here right now! If you leave you can never come back!” But there was nothing, only silence and a sunset staring back at me. It was like she vanished right into the setting sun. I turned around and sat back at the table and told my mom to take Sylvia’s plate away and I dug in eating my dinner (fuming). My entire family all froze in shock, waiting to see what my response would be. But there was no discussion, no crying, no questioning; I just bottled up my sadness and ‘got strong’ (as I called it in my head) and moved on.
You see right before Sylvia arrived; I had some traumatic events. In the span of 4-5 months my parents had separated, a man tried to kidnap me in our neighborhood, and we had a fire that nearly took our home to the ground. I remember all the events very clearly, but what I don’t remember is the day Sylvia arrived. I have racked my memory; I can see our home, my bedroom, my toys, the events, and day to day life, but I cannot remember when I first met her. It was like one day she just appeared, no introduction was needed, and I had a feeling of “finally you’re here in the flesh for me” and I’m no longer alone in my head.
I’ve been thinking so much of Sylvia because as I’ve grown into my spiritual awareness and have embraced the Universal energy within and around me, I have wondered what (or who) Sylvia was and why can’t I get her to come back? Was she an imaginative mechanism I had created to cope, was I a bored kid and needed a playmate and imagined her? As a medium who communicates with Spirits who have passed, I started to wonder was she a young girl who had passed away and needed me at that time, or possibly a past part of myself, of my soul that I have brought into this life that needs healing?
Well, the wait is over! I now know because this summer, Sylvia came back!!
What I discovered this summer during a week-long spiritual retreat was Sylvia was not “make believe” she was (and is) my Spirit Guide! During the week at the retreat each morning we started the day with a guided meditation by Hannah (oh beautiful, talented Hannah Macintyre – please check her out, website listed below). Each morning she brought us to a different place, time, experience, and intent, and every morning after these meditations I was walking away, howling into the woods bawling my eyes out. Letting out guttural cries, exhales of healing, and finally not swallowing my power and quieting my experience. I believe this whole week of vulnerability, exploration, love, and acceptance of who I really am made room to embrace Sylvia as the guide of my soul, the one who has always been there, watching over me, the whisper in my head and of my heart that I couldn’t quite define. After letting out my fears, insecurities, hopes, wishes as the divine Spirit that I am. I was finally able to make room for her, the one who truly knows me, back then and now, who despite all my faults and all my soul’s wishes, she loves me and has my back (and my front).
How did I find out who Sylvia is?
On our last morning meditation Hannah guided us to meet a new Spirit Guide. In this meditation we were brought to a city, we were to look at the homes, the streets, get a feel of the era, etc. And as we walked along this road our Spirit Guide would be walking towards us. For me it all happened so smoothly- I was walking down a dirt road in a city, it felt like maybe 1600-1800s, there were horse and carriages, men wearing very tall top hats, and lanterns at the top of posts outside homes and buildings along the roads. While I was slowly meandering down this long dirt road with white buildings along side of me, I looked up straight ahead of me and saw a young girl with long brown braids RUNNING towards me! I froze in the road, my heart exploded in an emotion that I can’t describe, and I reached out my arms in front of me as she ran into them. As I embraced her it all flooded immediately to me, I knew her already, its Sylvia, she’s back! I had an immediate knowing, like the lost puzzle piece found. She’s always been a Spirit Guide to me, she never really left. Just like our other Spirit Guides throughout our life, they come when needed, when we are going through different phases and stages through life and when our needs are different. Sylvia came to me at that young age during a very difficult time, a time when I felt alone, when I needed someone to help me, I needed security, guidance, someone to talk to in a home where I didn’t feel I had a ‘right’ to take up that time and burden others. I needed someone just for me.
I can see now that Sylvia has been a part of my Spiritual Team all along that is made up of angels, loved ones, teachers, and Guides devoted to my soul’s path in this lifetime. As I have learned and grown spiritually and have welcomed the vulnerability that is necessary to trust God and the Universe and all those that have our back, I also realized I needed to believe I deserve her. You deserve the love and guidance your Spiritual Team is waiting to give you. I acknowledge we are all different people, living different lives, having different experiences. But we are also the same. We come from the same Being, the same Source, the same seed of the Universe and that seed is love. Love is what our Spiritual Team is waiting to give us. That is what guidance is, that is what comfort is, and that is what you deserve.
Wishing you all the Love and Light God has for you.
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